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I thought I was over most of my body image insecurities...

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Jun. 13th, 2008 | 06:53 pm

Until I lost weight.  I guess that's one way I know I'm Black...but most women in whichever ethnic group would probably be very happy to be in my situation.  So what's my problem?

I have the same problem that most people do: I've been heavily marketed to all of my life, and sometimes I listen too much to other people.  Because the weight loss was actually a result of a more active and frugal lifestyle, and a less junky diet.  (Yeah, "frugal" is being used as a euphemism just like you suspect.)  So a sane person would try to maintain this, right?  But I'm obviously insane, because I've been sitting on my ass, eating bowls of ice cream every day (intentionally), and maybe once a day staring at the gap between my thighs where there has been none since I was about 10 years old.  "My thighs don't rub together anymore..." I said to my mother when I realized it too late.

When did it start?  I think my father was the first person to say something to the effect of "you look thinner."  Followed by my mother who agreed with him, then my sister who said I still had "a little" booty , then the woman who does my taxes(!)  She said I was "bony."  Of course, El Novio "didn't notice."  I guess I believe him.  He clearly isn't turned off by the way I look.

Then my father made me cry when he told me my breasts look smaller.  I don't know if he was trying to "scare me straight" or what, but it almost worked.   

But I've realized that the habits I followed that resulted in weight loss were actually good habits (I also realized that I started wearing padded bras last year and the breast thing was all an illusion; they're as tiny as they ever were).  Like drinking a lot of water, walking on average a kilometer a day and exercising every weekend.  Not eating sweets every single damn day, and cooking instead of eating out.  So...I bought a new pair of pants that fit from the 2nd hand store, and make sure I do what makes me feel good, whether that's eat some ice cream because I'm in the mood, or go for a nice long walk.  

Only question now is...when is this junk food binge going to stop?  You know, because once you get me going...



Mmmmmm!!!!

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Comments {5}

blackgirlgenius

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from: olamina
date: Jun. 14th, 2008 05:37 am (UTC)
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Good for you. Sounds like you just need to keep "checking in with yourself"

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A sweet tongue in a bitter mouth

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from: saltypepper
date: Jun. 14th, 2008 11:27 pm (UTC)
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That picture is so sweet.

I know it's sometimes easier said than done, but I hope you keep on doing what feels right regardless of what anyone else has to say.

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from: resichip
date: Apr. 12th, 2011 10:23 pm (UTC)
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Great read! I wish you could follow up to this topic

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from: kidiluge
date: Apr. 15th, 2011 05:15 pm (UTC)
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found your site on del.icio.us today and really liked it.. i bookmarked it and will be back to check it out some more later

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from: jafiteky
date: Nov. 4th, 2011 04:40 am (UTC)
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Great, I never knew this, thanks.

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