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Homesickness...why?

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Dec. 11th, 2007 | 01:16 pm
location: in a valley near the Caribbean Sea

I cried a couple of weeks ago thinking about my family, especially my mother.  Which is unusual for me.  Not the crying part, but the part about being homesick.  I´ve been to many places that are far from home.  But this time it´s different.

In the summer of 2001 I went to London for 2 weeks, then on to Ghana for 2 months.  By then I was already coming up on my 3rd year at a college in New York, a 14 hour drive away from home. During my first evening in Africa, I cried into my plate at dinner.  I was thinking about how far away I was, and for how long I would be so far away.  I went to sleep crying that night, and woke up in the morning feeling fine.  I didn´t cry again, or even become sad, until it was time to go home. 

And up until now that was the only time I´d gotten homesick in another country.  Even when I was gone for 5 months one time.  In New York, I more wanted them to come see me than I wanted to actually go back.

My mother says that I ¨can´t just get somewhere and be¨ for awhile.  Which isn´t true.  I´m not the type of person that moves from place to place.  I always maintain a home base while I step out for a bit.  I always come back.  She knows that.  The whole family knows that.

So why is this time different?  I think it´s because I have a more developed sense of responsibility to them, especially the little ones, and more evolved relationships with everyone as well.  For example, when I was 19, I went back to my mother´s apartment because it was home.  Now at 26, I go over there because I like to spend time with her.  As I age, my desire grows to get to know my family members and appreciate them as the unique, individual people they are outside of being my brother, niece, etc.  And my attachments become even more complex.  Before I was content knowing they miss me, are there for me, and will still be themselves, in their same places, when I get back.  Now I am conscious of wanting to witness their processes of growth, and understand a little more why I´m important to them.

I guess it will continue to ¨be different¨ from now on.  My niece keeps telling me that this should be the last time I go away, but that I can´t agree with that.  Even while I miss them, I think that this is where I am supposed to be right now.

Palabras del dia:
por vicio = for the vice of it.  e.g. No tengo hambre, pero voy comer la postre por vicio.
llorar = to cry
sobrina/o = niece/nephew
mundial = global
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Comments {2}

switch_beat

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from: switch_beat
date: Dec. 13th, 2007 02:32 am (UTC)
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where are you now?

i think there is sacred in understanding distance,
in understanding to the gut how you can miss and
be missed. space can be linear and sometimes when
we have the privilege the expanse makes us honor
what we have-- our people, families, homes, etc.

i feel you.

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martine

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from: hbsoul
date: Dec. 17th, 2007 09:58 pm (UTC)
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hey there friend. i'm in caracas venezuela till the summer. of course, when i'm back home i'll be like "damn they getting on my nerves!"

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